She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
