Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
