The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
