And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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