I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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