Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
