I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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