I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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