Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize