I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
