Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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