So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
