i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
