It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
