Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
