do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
