You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
