Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
