all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
