nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
