My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i out mim tonsoeep
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