So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
