I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
porn star boner night. come get it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
