...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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