why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
