the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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