my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
