i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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