I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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