i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
sarcasm needs its own font
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
