just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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