I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is Oprah even human
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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