I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
