My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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