so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
