it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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