Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
