Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's shark week go big or go home
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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