Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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