I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just tell him i said nine months
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
