mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
