Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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