they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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