So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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