i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
