girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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