she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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