they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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