Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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