you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
