I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Randomize
