I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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