Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You can't special order awesome
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
