I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
