i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
