and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
