Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
