Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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