Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
