I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
