Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
