so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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