He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
