I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
