I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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