i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
