We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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