Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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