Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
