Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
