How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
