I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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