I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
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Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize