Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize