So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
