I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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